Speaking up my journey
“Dark time comes and it can feel like there is no light. Keeping a strong face trying to fight alone makes it just harder. Share, speak up. Your journey will be much more bearable and yes there is light. Never give up HOPE..”
I came to Canada in 2008 after I got married. My husband was already here as a student and was working and I was in BC. It was awesome, Kamloops is a beautiful city and then we moved to Regina around 2010. I’m a mom of three and I have 2 boys and and 1 girl. They are all under 4 years old so it’s a busy household.
The one life changing thing that happened here in Canada for me was that I had a proper diagnosis for my illness. I’ve had psychological issues since I was a teenager and was going back a forth between therapy, hospitalization and medication. My weight went from 45kg to 70kg within a year so it was drastic physical difference and that stopped me from going outside because people noticed and always made comments about it and didn’t ask what had happened.
The psychological breakdown came from my family. My family was broken – my mom was sick and my dad was abroad for work. I was physically and sexually abused when I was a kid and I didn’t have anyone to share that with and since my mom was already sick I didn’t want to have to give her more pain. When I was 17, I went to college and I wanted to do very well so I could get scholarships and not have to depend on a husband or my father but the pressure started to build and I couldn’t handle it. I broke down and shared what had happened to my mom and she helped me get into therapy and I had to take a break from school at that time.
Fast-forward, I passed college after 3 years so that was good. In this period of time, I went to London and studied and took care of myself alone and then I was introduced to my husband through the Internet. We chatted via video for a year and then went back to Bangladesh to get married and then came to Canada 6 months later. I told my husband before we got married about my psychological past and the abuse that I went through and he was okay with it. He knew he could handle it and he is very supportive that way.
In 2011, I broke down again and I had to go see a psychiatrist and that’s when I got a proper diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. I’m choosing to share this no because back home I felt isolated and didn’t have that window to share and that was adding to my struggle. But I’ve realized that even here, people don’t talk about Mental Health and I want people to know that it’s okay to share the journey with people you love and that talking about it makes you feel much lighter.
This is my contribution to telling my story. I am leading a normal life. I have children, I have a social life, and I’m working. My husband and friends know and they are supportive and sometimes when I act out they know to give me space. It’s important to share what you’re going through, it’s very normal and it doesn’t mean you are mad. Just share and know it’s okay to have issues.